INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

GETTING ON WITH OTHERS USING DBT

In DBT, Interpersonal Effectiveness refers to the skills which help us to:

  • Attend to relationships
  • Balance priorities versus demands
  • Balance the 'wants' and 'shoulds'
  • Build a sense of mastery and self-respect

 


GAINING OUR OBJECTIVE
In order to increase our effectiveness in dealing with other people, we need to:

  • Clarify what we want from the interaction - be as specific about that as you can
  • Identify what we need to do in order to get the results we want


DEAR MAN - helping us gain our objective
Describe the current situation
Express your feelings and opinions
Assert yourself by asking for what you want, or by saying no
Reward the person - let them know what they will get out of it
Mindful of objectives without distraction (broken record technique, ignoring attacks)
Appear effective and competent (role play, use your acting skills)
Negotiate alternative solutions




THE RELATIONSHIP
How important is this relationship for me?
What do I want this person to feel about me after this interaction?
What do I need to do, in order to keep this relationship?


Keeping the Relationship - GIVE
Gentle manner without attack or threat
Interest in the other person
Validate the other person without judging
Easy manner (with a little humour?)



SELF-RESPECT
What do I want to feel about myself after this interaction?
What do I have to do in order to feel that way about myself?



Keeping to your self-respect - FAST
Fair to myself and others
No Apologies for being alive
Stick to values (not do anything I'll regret later)
Truthful without excuses or exaggeration

 


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